Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
