Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
