Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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