I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
