I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
