so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
