oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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