As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
