just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
