Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
