Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
