i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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