i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
