I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
did you just send me my own nude
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
