For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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