What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
