Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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