why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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