I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
