This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
