Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
