I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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