who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
