It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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