i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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