Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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