life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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