my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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