He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
