I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
