the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
