just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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