It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
