Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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