just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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