i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
