i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
