my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
