cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I enjoy the company of your penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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