wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
