What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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