sarcasm needs its own font
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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