you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
