Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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