Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
worst night to have a conscience
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
