well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
