I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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