Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's shark week go big or go home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
