Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
