Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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