See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
