so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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