You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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