McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
