we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
