6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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