Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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