Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
