so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
