I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
