I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
