He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
