I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
