Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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