I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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