Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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