The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
