I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
