DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
