It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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