they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you had me at cake vodka
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
