Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
